Dear Beloved Visitor,

Oh, thank God I have finally internalized that part of being who you are is saying what you feel and think because, “those who mind, don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind”, as Dr. Seuss once wrote.

Being that I am a recovering people pleaser, I often struggle with expressing myself genuinely. Emotional authenticity is a challenge for me. If it does not align with the thoughts and opinions of the people that I love, care about, and respect, I struggle to express it. Oh no, it is not because I do not know how to! Or because I lack confidence! Or that I do not know who I am!   Ironically, it is because of these very reasons that I keep my emotions and thoughts to myself to protect the receiver’s pride and dignity or prevent inflicting pain. So I tell myself. 

Interestingly, most of the major decisions I have made and actions I have taken in my life have involved going against my people’s beliefs and opinions.  I am usually afraid of upsetting them and being chastened by them; yet, my whole being more than often gravitates toward the contrary of what they believe and think. Whether it be spiritually, family-relationally, academically, socially, or professionally, I  frequently find myself going in the opposite direction of what my people from different walks of life know and or advise. 

Now, the struggle does not always mean that things do not get expressed. Rather, it means I suffer from guilt trips habitually self-induced when I do express differing thoughts and authentic emotions. I blame it on my compassionate and peacemaker personality. And of course, Being a Third Culture Kid. 

Welcome to “Being a Third Culture Kid”!

During my sophomore year in college, I created a blog.

I deactivated it after three posts because I was concerned about what my church community, family, mentors, professors, and friends would say if they were to come across what I was writing. Also, I deactivated it due to a lack of confidence in my writing skills and having imposter syndrome. There was a part of me that believed nobody would read it. So, why even waste my time and energy?

Occasionally, I  thought about reactivating it since my college graduation in 2018. But my insecurities kept getting the best of me. I love writing. I write for fun. I love reading. I enjoy reading blogs. I have a few blogs that I follow. Over the years, when reading these blogs, I would lowkey envy the bloggers for their strong writing voice and blogging skills. I could feel that they were comfortable in their skin and with their voice through the typed words. I have spent a couple of years wishing that I could also be and do that. I have visualized what I would like to share with the world. I have fantasized about publicly sharing my loudest thoughts on a large platform. However, I never dared to take the steps of making this dream a reality. 

Can I get an Amen!? 

Behold, I am no longer living in a writing fantasy world. Fantasy is no longer my reality. The public is now my reality. iPhone Notes and Google Drive are no longer going to be my major readers, but the public is. AMEN!?

I have finally gained enough faith to relaunch and maintain my blog! Hallelujah!!!! To make this decision even more memorable, I had waited to release my new blog on the day that I turned 21 for the 5th time because the original blog was launched on my first time turning 21. But due to many technical difficulties literally,  I missed the birthday launch date. However, better late than never! My blog is now live!  And I am still in my 5th year of being 21! 

This relaunch represents a victory over my writing voice and insecurities. It represents victory over my excessive caring about what “my people” might say. It represents victory over my people-pleasing nature. It represents victory over my flawed human propensity. It represents victory over who I was yesterday, who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow. Because I am Who I am, Because of Whose I am. 

So, I invite you to join me on this journey of self-reflection by visiting and engaging with my loudest thoughts frequently. However, if what you find does not float your boat, then my friend, one click will get you out of here. And if what you find resonates with you or simply provokes your thoughts, then stick around, and be my loyally beloved and engaged visitor.

I already appreciate and love you, blogporter (blog supporter).

Yours in Writing, 

Berita ( An Adult TCK)